


Time, Space, and Texting

by regenderate



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-10
Updated: 2019-03-11
Packaged: 2019-11-15 06:19:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18068186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/regenderate/pseuds/regenderate
Summary: Doctor Cool.: NEW FACE WHO DIS>image: selfie-with-my-new-friends.jpgcyberbill: honestly can’t believe i taught you that joke--Groupchat AU featuring (almost) every single New Who companion. Do not, under any circumstances, take this seriously.





	1. Chapter 1

Doctor Cool: NEW FACE WHO DIS

<image: selfie-with-my-new-friends.jpg>

cyberbill: honestly can’t believe i taught you that joke

Doctor Cool: I'm the blonde! Also adding my new best friends into here!

>RyanS has joined the chat

>Graham O’Brien has joined the chat

>yaz01 has joined the chat

oswin: you mean we’re not your best friends anymore?

Doctor Cool: I can have lots of best friends if I want to!

The Captain: looking good, doctor!

RyanS: hey everybody

DoctorJones: hello!

yaz01: what is this?

Doctor Cool: this is my groupchat for all my best friends across all of time and space!

bad-wolf-girl: it’s actually a bit of a scientific miracle, this chat.

Doctor Cool: Nah, it’s just the TARDIS.

yaz01: whoa

Graham O’Brien: Hello, everyone. It’s nice to meet you.

RyanS: graham have you ever been in a groupchat before

Graham O’Brien: Sure, with my old coworkers.

RyanS: doesn’t count if everyone in it was over the age of 35. also doesn’t count if it existed solely to arrange bus shifts.

Sarah Jane Smith: Oh, it’s always good to see another real adult in here.

Doctor Cool: Oi, I’m two thousand years old!

Sarah Jane Smith: And yet.

johnsmith42: hey, I’m a real adult! I have a job and everything!

bad-wolf-girl: yeah, because i made you get one

bad-wolf-girl: i’d put my name in for “real adult,” though.

yaz01: i’m completely lost. how do you all know the doctor?

cyberbill: trust me, that’s, like, 20 different really long stories

johnsmith42: I came out of his hand

yaz01: but the doctor’s a woman...

johnsmith42: oh, is he? good for him! always wanted to try being a woman!

RyanS: this is weird

Doctor Cool: Ugh, I need a new screen name! I am no longer the Doctor Cool I was a few short hours ago!

RyanS: have you thought about being doctor uwu

Doctor Cool: What does “uwu” mean?

RyanS: it’s an emoji

Doctor Cool: Oh, I see it! Brilliant! Not sure if it’s me, though.

cyberbill: that’s a relief

cyberbill: you can’t do this stuff to the doctor guys

cyberbill: she’ll take it way too far

cyberbill: trust me

RyanS: B)

MrPond: hey, guys, what’s up?

The Captain: fresh meat!

MrPond: oh, hey

MrPond: I’ll tell Amy

yaz01: how many of you *are* there?

DoctorJones: I’m not sure anyone’s ever bothered to count.

Amy: oh, hey, good to see the Doctor’s got new friends!

oswin: yeah, not gonna lie, we were all a bit worried about you, Doctor

Doctor Cool: Oi, don’t worry about me! I’m always all right in the end.

Doctor Cool: Now, do you think I can put emojis in my screen name?

johnsmith42: is this really what I become?

Doctor Cool: Yep. Better get used to it.

> Doctor Cool _has changed their screen name to:_ The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈

bad-wolf-girl: classy

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: Oi! You have your own Doctor to make fun of!

johnsmith42: nope!

Graham O’Brien: Is no one going to explain that?

bad-wolf-girl: it’s *really* complicated

Graham O’Brien: I’ve got time

RyanS: plus in the last week we’ve found out about aliens, been yeeted into space, and gone back in time in a bigger-on-the-inside phone box. pretty sure there’s nothing i won’t believe at this point

The Captain: I believe the past tense in this context is “yoten,” by the way.

RyanS: i don’t know how old you are or where you’re from but i’m a 19-yr-old from 2018. are you really trying to tell me how to conjugate yeet?

The Captain: I’m hundreds of years old, from the Boeshane Peninsula, and yes.

RyanS: don’t

yaz01: back to the two doctors?

johnsmith42: I’m a human/Time Lord metacrisis. part Time Lord, part human. I grew out of the Doctor’s severed hand, and now I live in a parallel universe with Rose.

RyanS: which one’s rose again?

bad-wolf-girl: 👋

Graham O’Brien: What’s a Time Lord?

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: Oh, that’s me! I’m a Time Lord!

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: Just the name of my species.

yaz01: well, that’s not stuck-up or anything

DoctorJones: That’s what I said!

yaz01: parallel universe? how’s that work?

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: By means of a series of accidents, really.

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: Much like the hand.

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: Still miss that hand.

bad-wolf-girl: well guess who’s holding it right now ;-)

johnsmith42: let the record show that she picked up my hand just to make that joke

johnsmith42: also let the record show that it’s the wrong hand.

bad-wolf-girl: well, i tried

Graham O’Brien: So, for the sake of working out the timelines here. The bad wolf girl is Rose, who lives with John Smith (creative name, by the way) in a parallel universe. What about the rest of you?

DoctorJones: My name’s Martha. I’m just a regular doctor from London. It’s not that complicated. Traveled with the Doctor for a bit, now I work with UNIT.

Graham O’Brien: Cool, I’m just going to pretend I know what that is.

RyanS: lol

DoctorJones: United Nations Intelligent Task Force. Basically the government’s alien division.

DoctorJones: And I’m married to Mickey, who’s in here but never checks it, which I think makes him wiser than I will ever be.

DoctorJones: I’ll be sure to tell him there’s fresh meat though.

yaz01: k cool so that makes sense

yaz01: anyone else? cool stories?

oswin: yeah i get to choose when to die and also my heartbeat is frozen

oswin: been traveling around a bit. got my own tardis. it’s pretty nice.

cyberbill: i’m made of water

oswin: just have to one-up me huh?

cyberbill: just a statement of fact

RyanS: so can we just assume that everyone’s got an origin story we’re not going to understand?

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: Oh, you’ll figure it out over time!

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: This is really just everyone’s way to check up on me. No one trusts me!

Amy: we trust you!

Amy: ...we just worry.

MrPond: plus, sometimes you go hundreds of years without talking to anybody.

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: Not THAT often!!! 😨 And it’s not like this chat helps all that much, what with all the timelines colliding all the time. Sometimes I don’t hear from any of you for hundreds of years!

DoctorJones: Which would, perhaps, coincide with the hundreds of years you spend alone?

DoctorJones: We know when you’re shutting us out, Doctor.

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: Whatever. I fully intend on being FUN and SOCIAL this time around. 🎉🎉🎉

bad-wolf-girl: at least you’ve got a support system now

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: Oi, what’s John been telling you???

bad-wolf-girl: nothing i can’t figure out for myself!

RyanS: what on earth have we gotten ourselves into…

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: Nothing on Earth, I can tell you that! 😉😊🤗

oswin: so does the new doctor just… not know how to use emojis, or what?

yaz01: i think she knows a little *too* well

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: Remember, I’m an alien! 👽👽👽 I have an excuse.

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: Anyway! Got to go! There’s planets to see! 🌌🌌🌌 Come on, gang! ☄️

Graham O’Brien: Nice meeting you all.

yaz01: talk to you soon!

RyanS: assuming no *giant spiders* get to us

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: Oi!

RyanS: just telling it how it is, doc

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: Stop texting and get to the console room!

RyanS: be right there

The Captain: Well. That was a whirlwind of fresh air.

The Captain: How’s everybody been?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this accidentally got really sad at the end... i wanted to respect canon sadness

RyanS: GUYS I’M SO BORED

RyanS: WERE STUCK IN THIS WEIRD HOSPITAL AND THE DOCTORS NOT AWAKE

yaz01: is now really the time ryan

RyanS: YES

bad-wolf-girl: is the doctor okay?

yaz01: the medics say she’ll be fine. we got hit with some sort of weird space bomb but these people are taking care of us.

Graham O’Brien: Are we really texting right now?

yaz01: that’s what i said.

The Captain: When you say weird space bomb…

Graham O’Brien: I think one of the medics said “sonic mine.”

RyanS: theyre trying to find our medtags now. taking bets on how long it takes them to realize we havent got any

The Captain: A sonic mine? You know how lucky you are to be alive, right?

RyanS: picking up on it yeah

yaz01: hold on a sec, dr’s awake

DoctorJones: In the meantime, I’ve finally convinced Mickey to check his phone.

mickeyrick: hey, it’s been a while. heard there’s a new doctor. or however that works.

RyanS: might want to read up a bit

yaz01: ryan! get off your phone!

RyanS: you’re on your phone!

yaz01: only to get your attention! come on!

bad-wolf-girl: so we’ll just assume they’re busy, then

bad-wolf-girl: anyone meet any cool aliens lately?

cyberbill: heather and i went to a planet that was nothing but ocean. pretty cool.

oswin: you two are made of water or something, right? 

oswin: suppose you were right at home there

cyberbill: yeah pretty much.

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: THIS IS A SPACESHIP

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: WE’RE FOUR DAYS’ TRAVEL FROM THE TARDIS 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: On the other hand, General Eve Cicero is here 😍😍😍 what a legend!

The Captain: Whoa, really?

The Captain: *The* Eve Cicero? Named in the Book of Celebrants?

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: The very one!

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: Anyway, got to go, I’m walking.

yaz01: while she’s doing that. cyberbill, did you say you’re made of water?

cyberbill: just bill. and long story, but yeah

RyanS: i give up making sense of you lot

yaz01: sometime i’d like to hear the long story!

cyberbill: well, sounds like you all are going to have time to read, at least. four days away from the tardis and all that.

RyanS: yeah n now the doctor’s gone off who knows where so we dont even have her whole crisis to deal with

cyberbill: i don’t even know where to start. to be honest, i’m not sure i even understand it all. but my crush got taken by this sort of water thing, and then i was a cyberman for a bit, and next thing i knew i was water. 

cyberbill: heather says it’s all just atoms. she’s better with all this than i am

cyberbill: someday i’ll add her in here. don’t know if she’d say much.

The Captain: We’re all dying to meet her.

cyberbill: or *you’re* dying to meet her

oswin: oi, i’m already dying. don’t add this into it!

yaz01: you’re dying?

oswin: long story

yaz01: you all keep saying that

oswin: fair enough. basically i’m frozen in the moment right before i died. but i can still move around. so i’ve stolen a tardis and i’m running around in it now

RyanS: im beginning to understand how the doctor picks her friends

RyanS: ur all completely mad

oswin: not sure what that says about you, then

RyanS: oh i’ll accept me being mad too, that’s fine

johnsmith42: nothing wrong with a bit of madness!

bad-wolf-girl: says the man who reconfigured our entire television to not use the color green

johnsmith42: I don’t like green! what’s wrong with that?

bad-wolf-girl: everything shows in shades of red and blue now

bad-wolf-girl: good thing i figured out how to encase my laptop in dalekanium

bad-wolf-girl: for all their faults, Daleks are pretty good at indestructible metal

johnsmith42: for the record, I would NEVER mess with your laptop

yaz01: daleks?

oswin: oh boy

johnsmith42: VERY dangerous aliens. do NOT approach.

bad-wolf-girl: i’m sure you’ll meet one someday. they tend to pop up around the doctor. 

yaz01: why?

bad-wolf-girl: that’s really her story to tell, sorry

yaz01: fair enough, i guess.

RyanS: glad ur computers safe

bad-wolf-girl: yeah me too

mickeyrick: so i finished reading up. sounds like you’re having a bit of a time.

mickeyrick: when the doctor gets back tell her i like her jacket

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: I’m back! 👋

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: Oh, hello, Mickey! Thanks!  🤗

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: Anyway, there’s something *very bad* going on. 👎😱👾😲

Graham O’Brien: And you’re spending time picking out emojis?

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: Doesn’t take that long! 😡😡😡

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: ANYWAY. Something’s on board and it’s killed Astos. Ryan, Graham, Yaz, be careful.

RyanS: wed better go find her hadnt we

yaz01: yep

DoctorJones: Be safe!

bad-wolf-girl: good luck!

mickeyrick: i’m remembering why i never come in this chat

mickeyrick: my life might be dangerous but at least it makes sense

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: Anyone know anything about something called a “Pting?”

bad-wolf-girl: you have a pting on your ship?

bad-wolf-girl: we came across one of those a few years back

bad-wolf-girl: didn’t exactly go very well

bad-wolf-girl: i’m sure you’ll be fine though

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: That’s not encouraging!!! 😱

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: We’re looking it up in the ship’s systems 😬

bad-wolf-girl: all you need to know is it eats *everything*

bad-wolf-girl: and its skin is toxic

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: 😱😱😱

The Captain: oh, boy

The Captain: Doctor, I’m going to need you to check in with us frequently until this one’s over

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: Will do.

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: Got to think. What do we do???

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: THE SHIP’S GOT A BOMB IN IT 😱

johnsmith42: what???

The Captain: well, that’s a check-in, I suppose

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: It’s a Tsuranga ship, there’s a self-destruct in case anything happens that makes the ship a danger to the planet on which it lands.

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: But we are NOT going to be a danger!

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: We are going to SOLVE THIS.

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: So the bomb is really unfair!

bad-wolf-girl: too bad life isn’t fair i guess

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: Oi!!! You shut up!!!

bad-wolf-girl: 😘

Amy: hey everybody! what’s up!

bad-wolf-girl: doctor’s in danger, the rest of us are laughing at her to hide our worry

Amy: must be Tuesday

bad-wolf-girl: pretty much

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: AMY! Hi Amy! 

Amy: hey, doctor!

Amy: oh, never mind. looks like you have bigger things to do than talk in this groupchat

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: I’m procrastinating 😔😓 can’t think of a plan!!! 😬😬😬 Don’t worry, I’ll get there!

yaz01: doctor, we’re on our way back

yaz01: have you been talking to your friends this *whole time*?

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: Don’t worry! I almost have a plan!

yaz01: i can’t believe i trust you with my life!

Amy: but you do…

Amy: it’s a trap we all fall into

Amy: side note, but is this version of the Doctor somehow more of a mess than the last two?

johnsmith42: *definitely* more of a mess than me.

bad-wolf-girl: keep telling yourself that 😘

johnsmith42: I will, thanks.

RyanS: ABOUT TO HELP DELIVER A MANS BABY WISH US LUCK

Amy: ???????

The Captain: Good luck!

bad-wolf-girl: good luck!

Amy: what happened to the alien?

cyberbill: something tells me they might be a little too busy to talk right now

oswin: good luck!

oswin: oops i’m too late

yaz01: THERE’S NO INTERNET TUTORIAL FOR STAZING A PTING

oswin: are those real words?

oswin: you’ve got to be careful. i swear the doctor likes to just make up words.

bad-wolf-girl: i second that.

bad-wolf-girl: i still make up words for everything i don’t understand and i blame him...

bad-wolf-girl: marrying his clone can’t have helped.

johnsmith42: oh, you love me

bad-wolf-girl: 😘😘😘

oswin: careful… use that many emojis at once and you’ll get confused for the doctor

bad-wolf-girl: lol

DoctorJones: Hold on… is everyone all right?

oswin: seems like the jury’s out

oswin: i’m fine tho

DoctorJones: Ryan, do you need help? I’m an *actual* doctor on Earth.

yaz01: not sure human medicine is entirely applicable

yaz01: but there’s a medic doing the heavy lifting, don’t worry

yaz01: ryan and graham are being doulas

yaz01: OH SHLJKKDSA

DoctorJones: Yaz?

bad-wolf-girl: everything all right?

oswin: what happened?

Amy: yaz???

yaz01: sorry yeah everything’s fine

yaz01: just drop kicked a pting nothing to see here

yaz01: dropped my phone mid-message

yaz01: sorry about that

DoctorJones: Glad you’re all right.

yaz01: yeah me too

yaz01: but no time to talk drs here

oswin: good luck 

oswin: side note i just found a planet with six-headed lizards

cyberbill: what, you mean like the hydra?

oswin: yeah!

oswin: think they came to earth and inspired the ancient greeks?

Amy: doubt it

Amy: anyone can think up a many-headed dragon

oswin: true enough. anyway i’m going to go explore. ttyl

Amy: have fun!

mickeyrick: anyone else *really worried* about this whole alien-spaceship situation?

Amy: they’ll get out of it

DoctorJones: The Doctor does have a knack for getting out of these sorts of things. I’m sure they’ll be fine.

bad-wolf-girl: doesn’t always end well though

Amy: she’s had time to come up with a plan now

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: Hi everybody I’m brilliant!

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: Pting ate the bomb and now all we have to do is get the ship to Resus One, and then we can go right on back to the TARDIS.

Amy: told you!

bad-wolf-girl: nice!!!

RyanS: this babys so cute i might cry

Graham O’Brien: Not because of the heartwarming conversation you just had or anything.

RyanS: no its just really cute

RyanS: im serious its so little

RyanS: did you know they make people that little

RyanS: its fingers

RyanS: are tiny

yaz01: ryan have you ever seen a baby before

RyanS: leave me alone yaz!!!

DoctorJones: Is the dad doing all right?

RyanS: yeah hes fine

RyanS: hes gonna be such a good dad

RyanS: but thats not why i might cry i swear

RyanS: (grahams looking at me funny :-( )

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: Bad news. General Cicero is dead.

Graham O’Brien: Oh, goodness.

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: We’re going to be holding a funeral in the engine room. Ryan, Graham, do you think Yoss will want to come?

RyanS: ill ask

RyanS: he says yes

Graham O’Brien: Be there in a moment, Doc.

The Captain: Quite a loss.

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: I know. 😢

DoctorJones: May she rest in peace.

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: She lived a good life.

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: Died saving us.

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: She had pilot’s heart. Knew she had pilot’s heart. Took over control of the ship anyway.

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: All the emojis in my name are seeming really inappropriate right about now. 😢😢😢

bad-wolf-girl: i’m sorry doctor

Amy: I’ll add her to the list.

Amy: General Eve Cicero?

yaz01: the list?

bad-wolf-girl: when people die we add them to a list

bad-wolf-girl: we make a point of remembering them every so often

bad-wolf-girl: roughly once a year in the timeline of whoever’s holding the list

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: General Eve Cicero is right.

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: Also add Astos.

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: He was the medic who died.

Amy: got it

<document: the list>

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: Thanks, Amy. 💙

Amy: no problem

yaz01: wait, how often do people die??? this is a *long* list

bad-wolf-girl: this is over the course of maybe a thousand years in the doctor’s timeline

bad-wolf-girl: it’s a dangerous life, yaz

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: I’m sorry. I did warn you.

yaz01: yeah i know

yaz01: took me by surprise i guess

The Captain: General Cicero is 116th century, right?

The Captain: from Keeba?

The Captain: I know those funeral rites

The Captain: they’re beautiful

The Captain: I hope they carry her well

bad-wolf-girl: what’re they like?

The Captain: Keeba’s a solar system full of voyagers

The Captain: there wasn’t any life there until it got developed

The Captain: so their rituals and ceremonies assume every religion is real and has value.

The Captain: it depends on which planet she’s from and where her family’s from

The Captain: but they tend to involve everyone standing in a circle and speaking together.

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: That’s exactly right. We had her android consort lead.

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: She’s been laid to proper rest now. Among the stars. 🌠

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: And we’re almost to Resus One, which’ll teleport us back to the TARDIS.

The Doctor ☄️👋😂🌌🌈: Not sure my ectospleen’ll ever be the same, though.

RyanS: not sure your ectospleens our biggest concern

yaz01: i think she just fell asleep

johnsmith42: well, she’s clearly had a long day.

Graham O’Brien: I’ll say. I’m about to fall asleep myself. 

RyanS: you do that

RyanS: im gonna go see if yoss will let me hold his baby brb

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i realized i forgot to include river in this so look forward to that happening eventually

**Author's Note:**

> so the only person really missing from this (i think, correct me if i'm wrong) is donna, because of the whole memory thing. i do plan on later possibly having someone accidentally add her. assume everyone else is there through some form of tardis trickery. and this'll just continue through season 11, loosely following canon (starting at tsuranga conundrum, since between arachnids in the uk and that would be when the doctor 1. committed to team tardis and 2. hooked up their phones with the tardis) and probably engaging in some other random nonsense as well.
> 
> thirteen's emoji habits are 100% due to conversations in the thasmin discord, so thanks for that everybody.
> 
> find me on tumblr at regenderate (main) or burclay (creative... fic/art)


End file.
